I Don't Want To Be Alone
by istillthinkthatwereinlove
Summary: New roommates Santana and Kurt have a little chat. Based on 4x17 spoiler stills.


**A/N: This is based off of the spoiler still of Santana and Kurt wrapped up in their boyfriend pillows. It's also posted on my tumblr page, comewhat mayklaineversion, under my fics.**

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Since Santana moved into Rachel and Kurt's cozy loft, she had been nothing but nosy. Kurt didn't know why he was surprised because it was simply Santana being her usual abrasive but ironically likable self. A couple weeks after she barged into their lives, Kurt caught her perusing through his treasured magazines while wrapped up in his Dream Man Arm Pillow. Fuming, Kurt demanded she leave, snatching the pillow up from under her and dusting it off fervently.

Still adjusting to each other, Kurt could not prevent his palpable vexation as he incessantly walked in on Santana in possession of his pillow. Eventually fed up with Santana and his burgeoning irritation, he ventured out after class and surprised Santana with a pillow of her own. Santana incredulously accepted the gift and smiled wryly, knowing Kurt's gesture was a tacit agreement that they may not always get along, but they were roommates nonetheless.

They spent the next day curled up together on the couch, supported by their pillows, content and enjoying the quiet weekend. Santana was the first to break the silence. "So, Hummel, I have to ask. Why the obsession with the oddly arousing cuddle toy?"

Kurt immediately felt the color rise in his face as flushed from embarrassment. "Santana, it's none of your business," he muttered breathily, instinctually clutching the pillow tighter.

Santana, however, pressed on. "I'm just saying I thought you had a real live butt buddy that you could be squeezing? Or has that ship sailed? I knew it was only a matter of time."

Kurt hesitated, sighing slightly. "I don't really think things are going to work out with me and Adam," he confessed. "He's great. I like him and everything, but he's just not the guy for me."

Smiling devilishly, Santana nudged Kurt in the ribs with her foot. "Is it because of a certain little hobbit? You know, the one who looks like he just stepped out of a fairytale book? Huh? Huh?" She continued poking Kurt in the side until he could no longer suppress his giggle.

"Stop, stop, okay," Kurt laughed. He gripped his pillow with both hands, inhaling the familiar scent deeply before looking back at Santana. "If you must know, I bought this the first week I moved here. I knew I'd be missing Blaine, so I thought that this might prevent me from feeling so lonely. I even stole a bottle of his cologne from his room the day before I left and sprayed it on this pillow, so even though he wasn't actually here holding me, it kind of felt like he was." His faced reddened brighter and he ducked his head, sheepishly mumbling, "I know. It's stupid."

After a pause, Kurt shyly glanced back up at Santana, anticipating her snide reply. Her face was unreadable but a grin was present. Rolling her eyes, she admitted, "You know, Hummel, I got to say that was probably just repulsive enough to be the sweetest thing I have ever heard."

Not sure what a suitable response would be, Kurt just stared at his roommate and decided nicer words would never be uttered from her mouth. Therefore he mentally accepted the compliment. His sated countenance suddenly turned ambivalent when Santana spoke again. "So, do you still picture Blaine when you're sleeping with that thing? I don't know how you couldn't. It reeks just like him." She wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Suddenly, the urge to just lay on his bed, curled up in the pillow, and cry crept up inside of Kurt. He wanted to scream _YES! Yes, it's all I think about_, but something prevented him from confessing his feelings to Santana, even though he was sure she was already privy to them. He shook off the question by asking, "What about you, Santana? Why did you want a pillow so bad?"

Kurt gazed at Santana until her eyes met his. The corner of Santana's top lip twitched upward, and Kurt knew that she understood he was not prepared to discuss this right now. She silently respected that and shrugged. "I know I'm a hot piece of ass, and people should be lining up to date me, but," Kurt swore he spotted her eyes starting to glisten with tears, and he sensed a subtle quiver in her voice as she continued. "I can't help but be afraid that I'm going to end up alone."

Curious to press the issue further but not wanting to upset Santana, Kurt decided to let their conversation hang there. He scooted a fraction closer to Santana, leaning in until their arms were barely brushing one another. They didn't talk for the rest of the afternoon; they just sat in silence, both holding their pillows impossibly close to themselves, and dreaming about what the future could be.


End file.
